Humorous Signs

Some supposedly-actual signs (mostly from England):

Sign in a Laundromat

    AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

Sign in a London department store:

    BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:

    WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

Outside a farm:

    HORSE MANURE 50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG 20p DO-IT-YOURSELF

In an office:

    AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

On a church door:

    THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR. (THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)

English sign in a German cafe:

    MOTHERS, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANS BEFORE EATING

Outside a secondhand shop:

    WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales:

    THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED.. OPEN TOMORROW..

Outside a photographer's studio:

    OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO

Outside a disco:

    SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN... EVERYONE WELCOME

Sign warning of quicksand:

    QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL..

Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish:

    DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LETTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER

Notice in a dry cleaner's window:

    ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF..

Sign on motorway garage:

    PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS... YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS

Notice in health food shop window:

    CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:

    ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:

    FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR

Notice in a field:

    THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

Message on a leaflet:

    IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

Sign on a repair shop door:

    WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Sign at Norfolk farm gate:

    BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT

Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:

    TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

This page last updated [Humor] [MindPrint]