Until Danny produces a news clipping stating otherwise, I’m going to have to put the biological warefare theory on the back burner for a bit.
Last Thursday night I started getting slightly more congested than normal. And as the evening pressed on, it got worse and worse. Eventually it got so bad, I could barely sleep.
I woke up with what felt like a cold. One so severe that it might make better economical sense to simply package a small rainforest in a tissue box.
I did something I rarely do. I stayed home from work. I felt evil. I felt dirty. Here were all of my coworkers making useful contributions to society, and as for myself, I was simply contributing to the global warming problem with my newest addition: a fever.
Somehow, I made it through that day in a big blur, when the weekend came. At this point there was nothing the doctor could do… rest and warm soup time.
Now, as any good cold should know, when you don’t have to go to work, the ailment is supposed to go into remission so you can have some fun.
Well, mine didn’t. Instead, it got worse. I haven’t seen Harry Potter. I haven’t seen Bond. And it’s likely by the time the cold subsides, I’ll already have them on DVD. It’s just not fair.
The illness seems to bring out the goodness in people all around me. My wife demonstrates her love by showing me it’s possible for me to survie on a totally bland and liquid diet. But the cutest demonstration came from Marni.
As I was lying there in front of the fireplace trying to figure out how to claw my way in to get even more heat, each time I let out a small cough, she’d stop playing in the other room, run in, gently stroke me on the temple, and run back out again. It was the best “there-there” I think I had ever experienced.
And don’t think for a minute I didn’t start to take advantage of it, either. I’d see how quietly I could cough and get her to come running. I’d see if one right as she was leaving would stop her retreat.
Naturally, she never gave up, and I ended up feeling bad for toying with her.
Monday rolls around, and I’ve got about 3 full days out of the way. How much more could be ahead?
Oh, you guessed it. That’s when I started getting a sore throat. I don’t think I’ve had one this bad before. I barely can talk without choking or going into coughing fits.
And what can I say about back adjustments? I’ve thrown my neck and back out, and no sooner than Mike gets it in alignment, one good wheeze and I’m Mr. Pretzel again.
But, I’m still chipper.
That is until Monday night… that’s when the pink eye sets in. Yes, I finally managed to catch it, I think from the kids.
That night I woke up understanding a little better what Saul on the road to Damascuss must have gone through. My eyes were booger-glued shut. Sorry, there was no other way to describe it.
When I managed to pry them open, it looked like a scene from Alien. My eyes were red and bloodshot.
One of the kids drew a picture of me. And when it looked horrific enough, they changed their mind that it was a deamon (and not me afterall). Yeah. Right.
Tuesday morning, I had quite enough. Tamara took me to the doctors, and I got more slips of paper from him than a third grader with a weak bladder has hall passes.
Not counting the doctor visit, we spent nearly $200 in anti-biotics alone for me. Generic.
I can only wonder what work thinks. “Ow, my face hurts. Ow, my throat hurts. Ow, my eyes hurt.” Sadly, if you saw a picture of me, all doubt would be shed from your mind. Mike actually suggested taking a picture, but like I really want THAT floating around the corporate website.
Now I’ve got these horse pills and no horse. So, I suppose I’m to fill in for the rear of one and take ’em.
I’ve already talked with my sister, Thanksgiving at her place is canceled.
Jim, however, raised the offer of doing something together, if I was unable to drive (or move). He’s the greatest. Though, now there may be other plans that get in the way of that. Sigh. Now my hopes are crushed.
Anyhow, I awake from downstairs in front of the fireplace, and Tamara’s no where to be found. Turns out she’s been upstairs asleep for many hours.
When I wake her, I found out …she’s got the same fever, chills, headache, sore throat, and sinus issues I did. Let’s just compound my guilt.
I suppose I’ll have to wait for her to fall back to sleep before I slip her the pink eye and finish off her holiday to boot.