We all seem to seek some kind of moral compass from time to time, one that directs our actions and provides us validation and comfort. However, what I need is a physical compass it seems.
Anyone who knows me recognizes that I have a horrific sense of direction. It’s for this reason I don’t venture into D.C. all that often, I avoid major cities, and I carry a plum bob with me so I can tell which direction is down.
I’ve tried to figure out why I experience this disorientation, and have limited it down to at least three good candidates.
One, my attention usually gets focused on details about what’s happening around me. At any given time I’m fairly good at knowing the relationship of objects near me; how they orient to the global baffles me. I rarely think in terms of a fixed environment.
Two, I over generalize turns in roads; for instance, I know that *I* made left, a right, and another left… however when the road starts doing little bends and subtle curves, I neglect to take them into account.
Three, that gland in your brian that is responsible for maintaining direction hasn’t developed nearly as well, perhaps giving way to other attributes like charm, good looks, and modesty. I’ve heard that people with fantastic senses of direction actually do have some part of their brain a little larger than average. I must make up the compensating half of the population.
I wish I could say for certain that one, or even any combination of those things, accounted for my inability to know which was is North.
It astonishes me that people like Danny point through a thicket of trees and say “it’s this way” and several miles later, there we are.
I view one-way streets as fowl play in cities. As such, when I went to Chicago, I did most of my travel by foot. You’d think that would have helped, but it didn’t.
A friend of mine pointed out “it’s a big grid, you can’t get lost!” (Oh how I proved HIM wrong.) “See,” he says, “this way it’s numbers, and this way it’s letters, and here’s the origin.” “Great,” I’m thinking, “so when I’m standing at M and 27th there’s actually FOUR places with the same name.” To which he tells me just walk one way or the other to see which direction to go. Okay, think about that. Fine, now I know how to get back to the origin, but at that point I have NO point of reference. Like the man who built his home on the north pole and all walls face south. Thanks. I’m just supposed to magically know what quadrant I’m in? “Hmm, am I bleeding and my wallet missing? Guess I can rule out South-East.”
Perhaps I’m just lacking some boy scout trick. I know the sun rises in the east, and sets in the west. A lot of good THAT does for me when I have no idea which direction I need to be going. I don’t seem to need clouds to hamper me. At night time, I look up to find the North star, but aiming for the brightest point of light, I follow the moon like a month drawn to flame. I have no idea where that star is.
Maybe I get lost in too many details. For instance, when I pull out a compass, I get anxious over the little things. “Hey, magnetic north is not true north!” and will this affect me? Or, “magnetic north wanders” and I can’t follow a moving target. And of course, there’s the big worry, “has the Earth’s magnetic poles flipped again and am I now heading south when I should be going north?” The anxiety is too much to bear.
Don’t even get me started on highway signs. I can’t count the number of times when I’m trying to head to some place and the sign simply says “Winchester” … like I’m supposed to know if _my_ destination is before, after, or some turn from this arbitrary place. I want a sign that says, “Yo! Moron! You’re heading North on I-81 at mile marker 320, the next place to pee and ask directions is in 14 miles, look for the big yellow M.”
So, how do you guys do it? Are there little signs by the side of the road I’m missing? Do even numbered roads go one way and odd another? If so, why do maps show squiggly lines? Am I supposed to put a stick in the ground and make a sun dial, and does this work at night with a flash light (my shadow never moves).
Seriously, how do people like Rob, Alan, and Danny just “know” where they are at any given moment and which way is the escape route?