Help Wanted, Carpenter

My wife was driving down a highway in Pennsylvania and looking out the window I saw a scene before me that made me say out loud, “Oh, that’s just not right.” I instructed my wife to make the next available U-Turn and pull onto the shoulder. I needed a photo.

Makes me wonder what happened to the last one they had.

There before us was a sign that said ‘Help Wanted’ ‘Lead Carpenter’. And, behind it, a set of three crosses, one that belonged to a carpenter. Either way you look at it, that something happened to their last one, or that the need make more crosses, that’s most likely not the best location for this particular help wanted sign.

Pages: 16 Exabytes

Pages just asked OS X for 16 Exabytes. Got a clue just how large that is?

So I decided to make some business cards using Pages, however after adding a few tiny JPGs, I started getting the spinning beach ball — you know the one, the one you’re never supposed to get in OS X.

So, I decided to open Activity Monitor to see what was up.

Pages had allocated 16 Exabytes of memory. My computer has 6 Gig.

Remember, it goes from Megabytes, to Gigabytes (1,000Meg), to Terabytes (1,000Gig), to Petabytes (1,000 TB), to Exabytes (1,000 PB).

16 Exabytes

An expensive TV recommendation

So, I’m at work and we’re discussing addictive television programs.

My co-worker turns to me and says, “Have you seen Breaking Bad?”

I’m like, “No. Is it any good?”

He says, “It sure is!” And then he goes on to tell me how it’s on AMC, and that’s it’s about a chemistry teacher that turns into a drug kingpin. The how and why are part of the enticing drama.

So, I pull out my little scrap paper and write ‘breaking bad‘ in my notes to remind myself to TiVo it.

Normally the story would end there, but my wife happened to empty out my pockets, saw the note “breaking bad,” assumed my spelling was atrocious, and concluded she needed to take my car in to have repairs done.

$230 dollars later I’ve got shiny new brakes. “Funny thing is,” I’m told, “the shop didn’t think they needed replacing.”

A Level Perspective

There are a lot of applications available for the iPhone, and thanks to the magic that makes orientation detection possible, some clever person produced an application that visually shows a level, bubble and all.

iPhone Level

Today I was witness to a young child asking to borrow an iPhone, and with much curiosity he opened this particular application.

Unfamiliar with a level, it’s function, or operation, he innocently asked, “What one was supposed to do?”

“You’re supposed to put the bubble between the two marks,” came the adult explanation.

The kid tilted the iPhone back and forth, watching the bubble slide to and fro, and leveled it holding the bubble between the two lines for a moment.

At that moment he blurted out excitedly, “Look, I’m winning!”

Unfortunately, his excitement caused the bubble to shoot to one end, just as I had time to click a picture of the event.

Policy Backfires

Ever wonder how a well-intentioned policy turns into a horrible nightmare for the very people it was designed to serve? I found the perfect example at Apple’s WWDC where going to the restroom isn’t permitted for adults.

Ever wonder how a well-intentioned policy turns into a horrible nightmare for the very people it was designed to serve? I found the perfect example.

Let’s take the case of Apple’s technical WWDC ’09 conference in San Francisco. Brilliant talks. Amazing speakers. Fantastic audio and video. It’s good stuff.

Now Apple is a company that is on the forefront of user experience, they pioneer usability and design, and their big presentation this year is on efficient resource and queue management. You’d think this innovative thinking would hold over into how they actual manage crowd control, but you’d be wrong. Apple has totally missed the mark. I know, it seems impossible.

There’s an absolutely stupid policy that’s being enforced, and while the best of intentions are there, the policy isn’t helping anyone. It actually makes things worse. Follow this.

You’ve figured out your course tracks for the day, bunkered down to do some work on your laptop, and are watching a series of presentations being held in that room with your development buddy. It finishes, and so you tell him “Can you watch my stuff, I’m going to hit the restroom before the next presentation.” He says ‘sure’ and you leave. After all, being a convention center, the restrooms leave little to be desired in terms of personal space.

On the way out, you’d tell the Apple guy at the door “be right back” and empty handed you walk across the hall to the restroom, return in minute, and reclaim your equipment-occupied seat. At least that was how it was at the start of the conference. All was fine. Things ran like clockwork.

Mid-conference someone revised the policy. Instead, if you leave, you now have to go wait in line to return.

Why did Apple do this? I asked. Two reasons.

First, by only letting people out and not back in, this is supposed to make things easier for the presenters to set up.

Second, it’s supposed to establish an order of fairness for those people coming into line.

On the surface it appears to make sense, but what this policy really does is prevent grown adults from being able to go to the restroom. Instead, you’re standing there with a full bladder and Apple’s staff is literally telling you that you’ve got three options:
a) Hold it until the session starts.
b) Abandon your equipment (as you might not have a buddy to watch it), and then wait in line to see if it’s there when you get back.
c) Go get your equipment and hold it while you do your business, and potentially miss the session (although you already had a seat).

Let’s examine this.

1) Does the policy improve seating fairness?
No. There’s equipment, and most likely a person, reserving the seat until you return. No one standing in line is going to benefit whether you reclaim it now or later. And, realistically, every talk that has been “filled to capacity and people were turned away” had plenty of chairs mid-row, plus people are willing to stand.

2) Does this improve the line?
No. It actually makes them longer, meaning Apple has more to manage. And, as the lines wrap all over the halls, it makes them more cramped, confusing, and uncomfortable.

3) Does it make conference attendees happier?
No. It’s annoying, bordering on rude, telling someone they have to return to their seat and wait for the presentation to start in order to relieve themselves. It’s a frequent conversation topic to overhear, Apple is putting a lot of people off.

4) Does it make Apple look corporately smart?
No. In fact, even its own employees are mocking the policy behind Apple’s back, all the while blindly enforcing it (most of the time), at the door. Even their own realize how ludicrous it is. This makes Apple look bad in a very self-aware Dilbert way. Of course there’s an insulting double set of standards, as the guy managing the gate preventing people from using the restroom calls on his buddy to take his place while he goes to take a piss.

5) Does it make the presentations go smoother for the presenters?
No. In fact, worse. Now one has to wait for the presentation to start, interrupting the speaker, and by going in and out letting more light in the room. It causes distractions. Plus I’ve seen one attendee fall over a chair during a presentation, and two people trip during a presentation, all trying to temporarily exit.

6) Does it make viewing the presentation go smoother for the attendees?
No. Being seated in the middle, one now has to navigate over other people who are trying to watch the presentation. I’ve had my equipment kicked as well as my foot stepped on by someone telling me “whew, now I can go.”

7) Is it safer?
No. There is now less room to get out, where before the row was empty. Plus, there are power cords, laptops, cases, drinks and other obstacles to navigate, crush, and trip on.

8) Does it provide accurate metrics for seating?
No. In re-entering you get counted a second time. This messes up Apple’s counts and artificially makes room seem more full, turning away people who could be viewing.

9) Does it make it easier for the presenters to set up?
No. The presenters are up on stage, a good distance from the audience. No one is trying to interact with the presenters before the talk.

Got more reasons it’s a bad idea? Let’s hear them.

So, what starts as a “good idea” ends up impacting far more people than it should. Compare this to a simple first-come first-serve policy, which would allow everyone to get settled before a talk begins. If seats are full, stand; if you don’t want to stand, sit; if you don’t want to sit, find another session; if you don’t want that to happen, get there on time or before, just like everyone else does. It’s acceptable to leave a session during Q&A in order to find a good seat at the next session.

Unfortunately, as with most failed policies, the solution usually is to add more policies (rather than correcting the root problem). Kudos to Apple for not going this extra step. The slippery slope would be to kick everyone out in order to have them stand in line again; that however would be truly idiotic, especially given the equipment people carry and set up to attend these things.

uTorrent: Software Jesus Would Use

I was very surprised to see when the last version of uTorrent was updated.

When I want to keep my software up to date on my Mac, I use Version Tracker Pro. The pay software works great and, seriously, I have no complaints.

But then a friend pointed me at this new tool called AppFresh. It does the same thing, but for free. And, honestly, it’s a lot prettier and I love the way it organizes the downloads into meaningful folder names.

uTorrent released before Christ was bornOf course, it does have some small kinks, being still beta.

Check out when it thought this update for uTorrent was released.

Software so old, it predates the birth of Christ.

Expensive Pizza

It’s not often you get to walk away with a thousand dollar charge for ordering a small pizza.

The largest pizza bill I ever covered was $300 at Pizza Hutt when I decided to throw a party for a number of friends in high school. Since then, I learned you always go Dutch, even with folks that have the best of intensions, and you always order more plain cheese than anything else, because people like to mix toppings, but hardly do people consume what they create. Toppings are expensive.

But my all-time record almost got blown the other day, when I went to order a small cheese pizza and was charged over $1,000 for it.

Thousand Dollar Pizza

The cashier fumbled the entry trying to enter a one dollar coupon and a fifty cent topping, only to miss the add button and pressing seven instead.

I caught the mistake, and we all had a good laugh. The date on the receipt was mere coincidence.

The story doesn’t end, as I kept this little token of amusement in my wallet for some future use.

While visiting Potbelly’s I happened to order a drink, cookie, and pickle, but no sandwich. This greatly confused the cashier who questioned me about why I didn’t order a meal.

The truth was I had just eaten and was meeting a friend, but I couldn’t help myself.

“Normally, I would, but I’m broke.” I pulled out the receipt and handed it to her. “See? I was charged a thousand dollars for a pizza topping.”

The girl looked at the real receipt with total amazement and shock on her face. “What topping did you order?” And before I could answer, she offered, “Was it mushrooms?”

So, I kindly fed into her misguided fantasy. “Yea. Those suckers are expensive,” shaking my head in sad disbelief that if only I’d known….

I now wish I could be the fly on the wall the next time someone tries to order a pizza with mushrooms with her. You know she’s going to intervene. Or, at least, go Dutch.

Amazing Pick Up

I recently visited a family that we’re particularly fond of. I’ve known many of their children since they were but mere infants. It had been a while, perhaps too long, and the infants were now in early grade school.

One little girl, about six, ran up to me, having remembered me lifting her up and flying her around at a much younger age.

“Pick me up!” she exlaimed, hoping to relive old memories. But, I couldn’t help myself. I love ambiguity.

And, in my best lounge lizard voice complied to her request with an awful proposition, “Hey, wanna go back to my place?”

“Yeah!!!” she started jumping up and down.

I looked at her mom, “Wow, ya know, that’s my fastest time yet.” Her mom just shook her head and burried her face in her hand.