Deep Thoughts by Chelsea Monday
Hmm. So I’m sitting here sorting laundry and I’m wondering, do the dark clothes feel discriminated against when you separate them from the whites?
Comment posted by WhiskeyRivers [original posting in Live Journal]
Loady, Loady, Loady All Mighty.. Spin and last, spin at last.
Today marked the first day of the discrimination case of laundry separation being heard by the Supreme Court, as detailed by judge Maytag.
For years society has been separating colored loads from whites. It all seemed quite normal and acceptable, until one rosy pair of socks had enough and decided to park itself in the back of the laundry basket. When asked to move to make way for a pair of BVDs, the old color sock refused, saying she had been on her feet all day.
Eventually the sock was arrested, went to trial, found guilty, and a 381 day boycott of coin operated laundry mats progressed. Upon appeal, the case was taken to the Supreme Court.
“I don’t understand what all the fuss is about,” commented one tattered t-shirt, “it’s separate but equal.”
“Dat’s a load,” rebuked a set of denim jeans, “you get bleach… we don’t. You get warm water… we don’t.”
Laundryologist Pulathread comments, “you have to understand, there are fundamental differences that we can’t control; for example, colors just inherently run faster than whites. We’re just trying to accommodate to what’s best for the individual garments.”
Rioting almost broke out, but was broken up by police, when two pillow cases cut holes in themselves and taunted a pair of work socks. CNN interviewed the socks for comment, “man, it hurt — they acted like our color will rub off or something.” Things broke down when the camera man pointed out that it did come off.
The pillow sheets, out on bail, were questioned on the Tailor Today show about their behavior. “Look, we’ve just had enough. They claim they’re in the minority because they get separated from us, but just count how many of them there are. I mean, just take a census and you’ll see there far more darks than lights. And don’t tell me they don’t discriminate, the reds and the blues are constantly having turf wars. Even the darkest sweaters are looked down upon by the lighter cacky pants. They might not admit it, but they’re just as dirty as we are.”
One white church outfit stood up and stated that he wanted the colors to know not all the whites felt the same way. Cheer broke out, and the tide changed in the studio. To prove his point, the outfit deliberately went into a south east laundry mat and tried to get downy with his colored brethren. Experts at the dry wash have concluded while they could replace the stolen buttons and sew the tears, the color damage is too extensive, and the church going days are over. Now polishing hubcaps and left in the garage, the shirt says he still feels the same way and would do it again.
The Supreme Court has yet to decide whether an individual article’s attributes should constitute segregation or not. The ruling could mean hundreds of billions of dollars going into refrabrication of ink formulas, but it’s clear that restitution and entitlements will only stir things up.
One exceptionally bright bra stated, “I’m hearing rumors of quotas. If I lose my right to choose who I associate with, then I’m exercising my right for extra bleach and softeners. Honestly, I don’t mind the diversity, but it strikes me the standards will be different once this is all over. It just feels that it’s gone from segregation to some clothes are more equal than others.”
Meanwhile the whole permanent press group is anxiously waiting on the outcome. If this case passes, then they hope to use this precedence to take a dip in the tub. Silk has been strangely under wraps.